Taxi Driver Online

Help! I’m playing Scrabble with Midge Ure. I’ve only got 4 letters left, but they mean nothing to me: OVNR

Whilst attending marriage counselling, the counsellor said have me & our lass ever tried tried role play. "aye" i said, I was the plumber and she couldn't pay" "And how did that go?" asked the counsellor, wor lass said "Awful" & burst out crying "the fooker is taking me to the small claims court"

I braked like fook , but still hit the car in front of me, then a gorgeous blond got out and screamed "Ram me up the arse as hard as you can why don't you! "And this, your Honour, is where all the confusion started...

I bought a new strimmer today. It's cutting hedge technology

I called the wife and asked her to pick up Fish and Chips on her way home from work. All she did was grunt at me.

I think she still regrets letting me Name the Kids..

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

oldie but goodie
Paddy staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks Murphy. ‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Paddy. ‘You daft bastard,says Murphy "If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner."

A bloke goes into a Welsh pub and asks for a gin and tonic. All the pub falls silent, then the landlord says "Where are you from boyo, you sound English"? "Er, I'm from Bristol actually" he replies nervously. "Bristol you say, and what do you do in Bristol, look you"? says the Landlord "I'm a Taxidermist" says the man "Taxi.... what"? says the Landlord, "is that something to do with transport boyo? The man says "No I stuff and mount animals" The landlord shouts "It's OK lads, he's one of us"!

A Pakistani turns up at the Pearly Gates, St.Peter asks " Why are you here"? The Pakistani says " I've come to see Jesus" St.Peter shouts " Hurry up Jesus, your taxis here

I shouted a taxi driver over and saw he was a muslim. I said "How much to the airport mate?", "£50 mate" he replied. So i gave him the £50 and told him to fuck off

I was out on the town last night with the lads from OCD anonymous.

Things weren't going to get messy.

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

my scientist mate broke the laws of Gravity.

Judge gave him a suspended sentence.

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lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Merry Christmas from everyone at the Alzheimer's Society

I was told I'm a bit of a looker the other day - or voyeur as the neighbours wife put it !