Taxi Driver Online

and this one comes a close second

I was going to nail a shelf to my wall but I thought screw it!

_________________
lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

Just had curried pelican at the local Indian. Not bad, but the fooking bill was enormous

An ugly bird came up to me in the pub and said,"What does reincarnation mean?" I said,"It means when you die,you come back as something else" She said,"When i die i'm gonna come back as a dog!" I said,"You're not fooking listening love!"

son-"dad, why did you name my sister Teresa?"
Dad-" 'cos it's an anagram of Easter, and your mum loves Easter"
Son-"thanks dad"
Dad-"your welcome Alan"

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"

Before her mother could raise a concern,

Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut."


Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked,

"Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

I was sitting quietly reading my paper when wor lass walked up behind me and fooking whacked me on the heed with a rolled up magazine

'fooking hell, wtf was that for?' i said.

'That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name Sharon green written on it.' she said

i said , "fook off man, 'the other week when I went to the races, Sharon green was the name of one of the horses I bet on ya daft cow.

'Oh ven, I'm sorry,' she said 'I should have known there was a good explanation.'

Three days later i was watching the telly when she walked up behind me & hit me with a fooking frying pan, fooking knocked me out cold.

When i came around , i said wtf was that for you stupid cow? '

wor lass said..... 'Your horse phoned!'

worst joke of the year so far

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people in Abu Dhabi Do!

_________________
lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics.

Cost me 44,000 Swiss Francs.

Do you know what the fookers gave me for breakfast this morning?

fooking Cheerios

Paddy's been arrested for punching his wife again.

The judge asks "Why do you keep beating her?"

Paddy says "I think its my weight advantage, longer reach & superior footwork."

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fooking skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies..."Skint's my fooking dog mate."

A lass walked into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the bloke who had gave her one the neet before , a one night knee trembler in a back lane , after they met in a pub
He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves
"You lying chit" she yells !! "Last night you told me you were a stunt pilot"
"No" he says." I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team"

went to the bog in the pub & was standing at a urinal having a slash , next to me was a midget also having a slash. I noticed he was winking at me so I looked away, I turned and looked again and the little fooker was winking at me like crazy! I said " oy ya little fooker you gay or something ? Do you fancy me ?" he said " No you're splashing in my fooking eyes man !!!"

1 descent one amongst that lot but there again good jokes are as rare as ukip councillors !

_________________
lack of modern legislation is the iceberg sinking the titanic of the transport sector

sorry mate, "must try harder" too meet you're expectations

A woman in the street holding a clip-board stopped me and asked me which grooming products I used.I don't think "Haribo's and puppy`s" was the answer she was looking for ( hope this meets edders23 standards)