ven2112 wrote:
A woman in the street holding a clip-board stopped me and asked me which grooming products I used.I don't think "Haribo's and puppy`s" was the answer she was looking for ( hope this meets edders23 standards) 
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| New Jokes thread http://taxi-driver.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=28380 |
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| Author: | Nidge2 [ Mon May 08, 2017 3:33 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
ven2112 wrote: A woman in the street holding a clip-board stopped me and asked me which grooming products I used.I don't think "Haribo's and puppy`s" was the answer she was looking for ( hope this meets edders23 standards)
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Mon May 08, 2017 6:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Nidge2 wrote: ven2112 wrote: A woman in the street holding a clip-board stopped me and asked me which grooming products I used.I don't think "Haribo's and puppy`s" was the answer she was looking for ( hope this meets edders23 standards) 
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| Author: | Nidge2 [ Mon May 08, 2017 8:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Tom Daley speech: "I know its normal for a bride to feel tired on her wedding day; but I feel absolutely buggered." |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Tue May 09, 2017 5:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Nidge2 wrote: Tom Daley speech: "I know its normal for a bride to feel tired on her wedding day; but I feel absolutely buggered." did he really say that or is it fake news 
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Wed May 10, 2017 7:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Wed May 10, 2017 7:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Wed May 10, 2017 7:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Thu May 11, 2017 2:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
Got a parcel delivered from Argos today. The delivery driver asked if I had the time on me. "Between 8am and 1pm." |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mum. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we was doing P.E. today and we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 32DDs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24". |
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| Author: | edders23 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
I asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day. Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?” She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.” Her parents beamed, and said, “Welcome to the Labour Party!” “Wow…what a worthy goal!” I told her. I continued, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I’ll pay you £25. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out. You can give him the £25 to use toward food.” She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the £25?” I smiled and said: "Welcome to the Conservative Party.” |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb? Steven |
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
James Bond goes around the world killing people, stealing stuff, humping any woman he can get his hands on (without caring if he leaves her with a kid or an STD) and has all the latest gadgets despite not doing an honest day's graft in his life. Are we sure he can't be played by a black bloke?
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
I took to animal cruelty like a duck to lighter fluid
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| Author: | ven2112 [ Thu May 11, 2017 6:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the Short Skirts and Low Cut Tops. Although, they do make me look a bit gay  
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| Author: | wannabeeahack [ Thu May 11, 2017 7:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: New Jokes thread |
I stood having a slash in a gents toilet and a guy came running in, got to the urinals, unzipped and took out the longest thickest dick ive ever seen (saw it by accident) and started top to pee he said "ive only just made it it" I said "can you make me one like it it please?" |
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