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The Cumbrian Way
Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Talking Heads
The issue of East Europeans driving taxi and private hire cars in the UK is highly emotive, but so is my mistrust with people who open offices in Eastern Europe hoping to attract migrants to work in this country. I see them as a whole new breed of a slave trader, making profit in the shape of a human cargo.
So long as a person can satisfy the criteria to be a licensed driver, they should be licensed, I don’t think any right-minded person could disagree.
We have a long tradition of migrant workers in the UK, normally doing jobs that either UK citizens don’t want or because the migrants can price out the UK citizen in terms of labour costs. Indeed, with a surname like mine there is a high chance my family originated from foreign shores.
For any East European entering this country and doing a job such as a licensed cab driver, the first obvious problem is the language barrier. It is alleged some of the East Europeans speak good English, however, this isnt always the case. Mind you, and bearing in mind this magazine is read by people from the North East of England, I would perhaps suggest its unwise to throw stones in green houses (and that was a pretty poor attempt at humour by the way). I very often need a translator at regional meetings.
Another potential problem is the standard of driving, not that UK taxi and PH drivers are angels, some of you aren’t, indeed, some of you are complete maniacs who if left in charge of a Scalextric set, would potentially cause damage to your household pets. Yet, for all of that, at least at some point you will have passed, (albeit perhaps through a complete fluke), a UK driving test. I would rather trust you than a person who has potentially only driven carts, oxen, Lada’s, and T47 tanks.
Not only is it important that taxi and private hire drivers can drive, at some point in their career they will actually have to know where they are going. Whilst East Europeans may have a decent knowledge of some godforsaken hellhole in Eastern Europe, it is unlikely they will have the same knowledge of a godforsaken hellhole otherwise known as the UK council estate.
One of the most controversial aspects of the ‘storm from the east’ seems to be that of the criminal records check. The argument seems to be that the East European country’s check may not be as good as our own Criminal Records Bureau. Which given the dubious efficiency of our CRB is a real stretch of the imagination.
Its been stated before, some European Countries effectively give people a clean slate after 10 years. This could pave the way for east European Serial Killers, Rapists, Necrophiliacs, Torturers and not forgetting Cannibals, to drive licensed vehicles in the UK.
Using that kind of logic there is a good to even prospect of the same east European Serial Killers, Rapists, Necrophiliacs, Torturers and Cannibals becoming your next licensing officer, which admittedly would cut down on instances of ‘cherrypicking’ and explain the disappearance of taxis upon sight of a licensing officer approaching a cab rank for ‘on the spot’ inspections.
Facing facts, the chances of an all new, all singing, all dancing east European version of ‘The Son of Sam’ or ‘The Butcher of Lyon’ driving a cab near you are quite remote. If only for two reasons, firstly I would suspect private hire companies see hiring a homicidal axe murderer as potentially bad for business and secondly, they should be safe under lock and key in their country of origin (the axe murderer, not the PH operator).
This magazine has a consistent line of trying to help, we think it is perhaps time for additional questions on application forms, the following are examples, but the list is by no means definitive.
Do you like the taste of human flesh? (To catch out potential cannibals).
When running a bath do you add
(a) Radox
(b) Lynx
(c) Sulphuric Acid?
Do you hear strange voices?
(a) No
(b) Who said that?
(c) Where’s Roman Polanski?
When you were young were the posters on your wall of;
(a) Newcastle United
(b) Legia Warsaw
(c) Charles Manson
Indeed, suspicions should be raised if the application form is filled in using words and letters cut out of newspapers.
Perhaps we need to make it a condition of license not to carry an axe (which has been suspiciously missed from conditions by many local authorities and indeed the Best Practice Guidance), again there could be a decent reason for a licensed driver to carry an axe, for example, the driver may be a part time lumberjack. In such cases the driver will have 21 days to appeal any suspension.
In summing up all of the above it seems pretty clear that the criteria for drivers in every area needs to be broadly the same.
In terms of Driving there is a need for all applicants to take and pass DSA driving tests. In terms of geography, there is a need for local authorities to establish topographical knowledge tests that possibly have a verbal aspect to them to establish the applicant has a decent grasp of English. In terms of speaking fluent English there is a need for us all to be able to speak ‘proper like me’, not that horrible Jade Goody version which makes me cringe. Indeed, in so far as CRB checks are concerned the enhanced CRB should be the standard, if you need to be here for 5 years to establish your not ‘Hannibal the Cannibal’ then so be it.
One scribe stated the following ‘"If the council's policy is reasonable for taxi drivers, it must call into question the employment of hundreds and thousands of foreign nationals in schools, care homes, etc..".
Excuse me for stating the obvious, but surely the taxi trades concern should be about the standard of person entering this trade not others, just because your neighbour keeps their garden in bad order, doesn’t mean we need follow suit.
There is an obvious need to look closely at people who enter our trade, I get the general feeling that a person traveling one thousand miles to be a taxi or private hire driver is a strange step to take, because I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but this isn’t the best paid occupation in the world.
Indeed, I always wonder about people who enter this profession from other occupations, safe occupations that come with pensions, why leave a safe occupation for a one where your weekly wage is based upon the whims of the public and whether or not it rains?
The trade needs to be whiter than white, giving the public confidence in our services.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
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